Episode 211

When Love Becomes Leverage During the Holidays (Important Info for Parents of LGBTQ Kids)

What if the thing that hurt you most was disguised as love?

In this emotionally honest and deeply necessary episode of More Human, More Kind, Heather Hester invites you to explore one of the most painful and liberating truths: that not all love is safe, and some of it was never love to begin with.

As parents, LGBTQ allies, and humans trying to live with more empathy and intention, we often confuse care with control, especially if we were taught that love must hurt to mean something. But when affection becomes a means of compliance, when support comes with shame, silence, or fear, that’s not love, that’s leverage.

Whether you’re heading into a holiday season with complicated family dynamics, supporting an LGBTQ+ child, or healing from your own past, this episode offers language, insight, and tools to reclaim what love should feel like: free, safe, and human.

  • Learn how to recognize the signs of weaponized love, especially the subtle ways it shows up as care or concern
  • Explore the difference between conditional love, tough love, and real love and why that difference matters
  • Hear the neuroscience behind secure attachment, emotional safety, and the power of respect
  • Receive 4 steps to redefine love on your terms and begin healing your relationship with giving and receiving it
  • Understand how this shows up in parenting, religion, family systems, and why LGBTQ+ youth are especially at risk of internalizing control as care

Love is one of our most powerful tools, but when it’s used to shame, silence, or manipulate, it becomes one of the most dangerous. As an LGBTQ+ ally, a parent, or a cycle-breaker, understanding this distinction is essential for healing and protection.

Because real love doesn’t demand you disappear, it helps you become more of yourself.

Bonus:

Heather mentions a special written guide in her newsletter about how weaponized love may show up during the holidays, and how to navigate it with grace and boundaries. Subscribe at morehumanmorekind.com for that and more weekly tools for conscious, connected living.

Press play to begin healing from love that harmed and to rediscover what real, human, and kind love can feel like, starting with how you speak to yourself.

Resource Spotlight

Book: All About Love by bell hooks

Article: “Weaponized Love: When Care Becomes Control” (Psychology Today, 2024

Helpline: The Trevor Project — 24/7 support for LGBTQ+ youth (thetrevorproject.org)

Brené Brown (2021) writes that “Love without boundaries is not love at all — it’s a recipe for resentment.”

Research from the University of Toronto (Fehr & Sprecher, 2009) found that mutual respect and autonomy were stronger predictors of long-term relational satisfaction than affection alone.

Hi, I’m Heather Hester, and I’m so glad you’re here!

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At the heart of my work is a deep commitment to compassion, authenticity, and transformative allyship, especially for those navigating the complexities of parenting LGBTQ+ kids. Through this podcast, speaking, my writing, and the spaces I create, I help people unlearn bias, embrace their full humanity, and foster courageous, compassionate connection.

If you’re in the thick of parenting, allyship, or pioneering a way to lead with love and kindness, I’m here with true, messy, and heart-warming stories, real tools, and grounding support to help you move from fear to fierce, informed action.

Whether you’re listening in, working with me directly, or quietly taking it all in—I see you. And I’m so glad you’re part of this journey.

More Human. More Kind. formerly Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen is a safe and supportive space where a mom and mental health advocate offers guidance on parenting with empathy, inclusion, love, and open-minded allyship, fostering growth, healing, connection, and empowerment within the LGBTQ community while addressing grief, boundaries, education, diversity, human rights, social justice, and the power of human kindness through a lens of ally support and community engagement.



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Show artwork for More Human More Kind: Guidance for Parenting LGBTQ+ Teens & Growing Into a Courageous Ally
More Human More Kind: Guidance for Parenting LGBTQ+ Teens & Growing Into a Courageous Ally
Parenting and Ally Skills to Advocate for Your LGBTQ+ Teen with Love and Confidence

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About your host

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Heather Hester

She’s a butterfly in motion—transforming spaces, stories, and hearts. Heather Hester is a rare blend of fierce advocate and gentle guide, using her voice to build bridges across divides. As the host of *More Human. More Kind.*, author of *Parenting with Pride*, and founder of Chrysalis Mama, Heather doesn’t just speak about love, allyship, and authenticity—she *embodies* them.

Her superpower? Turning complex, messy truths into clear, compassionate conversations that leave you feeling empowered, curious, and just a little more human. From Substack to podcast, workshop to stage, she creates spaces where healing is possible, voices are heard, and no one stands alone.

Whether she’s amplifying marginalized stories, coaching parents through life’s pivots, or unpacking the First Amendment with a side of soul, Heather leads with purpose and heart. She’s not here for surface-level support—she’s here to change how we show up for each other.

Married to the funniest guy she’s ever known and mom to four extraordinary kids (two of whom are LGBTQ) and one sassy mini Bernedoodle, Heather is all about showing up with humor, humility, and heart. You can almost always find her with a cup of coffee in hand—at her computer, on her yoga mat, or dancing in the kitchen to her favorite playlist. She believes in being fully human, embracing the messiness, and helping others do the same.