Episode 157
#157 | Why Saying “No” Is an Act of Love—And the Courage LGBTQ Allies Need to Set Boundaries
Today's episode revolves around the profound significance of boundaries, which we assert are not merely barriers, but rather essential frameworks for fostering love and respect towards oneself and others. We recontextualize the concept of boundaries, traditionally perceived as harsh confines, into bridges that facilitate clearer communication and deeper connections. Boundaries serve as vital expressions of care and self-respect, allowing individuals to safeguard their emotional and energetic well-being. We examine the many forms that boundaries may take—be they emotional, physical, or temporal—and underscore their role in establishing clarity, safety, and trust within interpersonal relationships. As we navigate through the complexities of life, we invite our listeners to reflect on where boundaries may be necessary, thereby enhancing both personal and collective well-being.
Takeaways:
- In this episode, we explore the concept of boundaries as essential expressions of love and care towards oneself and others.
- We must understand that boundaries are not punitive or rejections, but rather avenues for deeper connections and mutual respect.
- Identifying the signs of needing boundaries is crucial, such as feeling overwhelmed or saying yes when we wish to decline.
- The act of communicating our boundaries should be approached with compassion and clarity for effective relationships.
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Transcript
Welcome back to More Human, More Kind.
Speaker A:I'm Heather Hester, and today we are diving into one of the most powerful acts of love we can offer ourselves and others.
Speaker A:Boundaries.
Speaker A:We often think of boundaries as walls.
Speaker A:Cold, harsh, uncomfortable.
Speaker A:But what if boundaries are actually bridges?
Speaker A:Expressions of care, clarity and self respect.
Speaker A:What if, as Prentice Hemphill said, they are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously?
Speaker A:Let's begin by trying to reframe them a little bit.
Speaker A:Boundaries are not ultimatums.
Speaker A:They're not punishments.
Speaker A:They're not a form of rejection.
Speaker A:They.
Speaker A:But they are a form of deeper connection, not disconnection.
Speaker A:Think of them as invisible lines that help you protect your peace, your energy and your truth.
Speaker A:Let's reposition them as necessary acts of love for self and others.
Speaker A:Boundaries help establish clarity, safety and trust.
Speaker A:Think of boundaries as an equation.
Speaker A:Boundaries equal expectations plus values made visible.
Speaker A:They create space for true connection, not control.
Speaker A:Boundaries are not static or rigid.
Speaker A:In fact, they can be used in a multitude of ways.
Speaker A:From emotional boundaries to physical ones, time based boundaries to energetic ones, and so on.
Speaker A:Here are a few signs you might be needing a boundary.
Speaker A:You're feeling resentful.
Speaker A:You're saying yes when you want to say no.
Speaker A:You're feeling overwhelmed or unseen.
Speaker A:These are just a few signs, invitations to pause and reassess.
Speaker A:So first, identify where that resentment or burnout or confusion shows up.
Speaker A:Name the feeling.
Speaker A:What's off?
Speaker A:What behavior or dynamic doesn't feel okay anymore.
Speaker A:2.
Speaker A:Clarify the need.
Speaker A:What's missing?
Speaker A:Ask yourself, what am I?
Speaker A:I willing to change?
Speaker A:And three, communicate with compassion.
Speaker A:Try one of these three lines first.
Speaker A:I care about you and this is what I need.
Speaker A:Or I'm not available for that, but here's what I can offer or this isn't working for me anymore.
Speaker A:Can we find a new way forward?
Speaker A:Boundaries come up everywhere.
Speaker A:From parenting a teen who's testing independence to navigating emotional labor and relationships, to carving out, I.
Speaker A:E.
Speaker A:Protecting your time to rest.
Speaker A:Create or breathe.
Speaker A:Boundaries are love in action.
Speaker A:They say, I matter, you matter.
Speaker A:And we can do this with honesty.
Speaker A:Now we will talk about handling pushback with grace in another episode.
Speaker A:But remember, you do not need to explain or justify your boundaries to anyone.
Speaker A:While they may disappoint others, they are not a betrayal.
Speaker A:So ask yourself, where do I need more clarity?
Speaker A:Where could kindness and boundaries coexist in my life?
Speaker A:These are the conversations we need to be having right now.
Speaker A:Gentle, honest, and deeply human.
Speaker A:We're living in a time of.
Speaker A:Of so much noise, of polarization, of systems breaking down and hearts breaking open.
Speaker A:So what do we do with that?
Speaker A:We slow down.
Speaker A:We listen.
Speaker A:We gather around stories around truth, around vulnerability.
Speaker A:That's the movement I'm inviting you into.
Speaker A:To be more human is to stop hiding, to stop pretending.
Speaker A:You have to be perfect or polished to be worthy of love or respect.
Speaker A:It's the radical act of saying, I am messy, I am growing, and I am enough.
Speaker A:To be more kind is not to be nice.
Speaker A:It's not performative.
Speaker A:It's not surface level.
Speaker A:It's choosing compassion when it's hard, choosing clarity over comfort.
Speaker A:Choosing to see someone, really see them, even when you don't agree.
Speaker A:Kindness, real kindness disrupts hate.
Speaker A:It heals shame.
Speaker A:It opens space for belonging.
Speaker A:This podcast isn't just a show anymore.
Speaker A:It's part of something bigger.
Speaker A:It's a movement toward listening instead of reacting, being curious instead of certain.
Speaker A:Repairing instead of defending.
Speaker A:Seeing the human before the label.
Speaker A:You don't need to be perfect to join this conversation.
Speaker A:You just need to be willing to show up.
Speaker A:Take a breath.
Speaker A:You belong here.
Speaker A:This week, I invite you to choose one area in your life where clarity could replace chaos and where kindness could include you.
Speaker A:If this conversation was helpful today, I ask three things.
Speaker A:Subscribe to, Follow and share More Human, More Kind subscribe to the Midweek Breath newsletter and join the Patreon community.
Speaker A:You are worthy of boundaries and you are worthy of love.
Speaker A:Welcome to More Human, More Kind.
Speaker A:Welcome to the movement.
