#169 | 3 Ways Perfectionism Derails the Practice of LGBTQ Allyship & How Parents Can Show Up With Courage

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Welcome to More Human, more Kind.

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The podcast, helping parents of LGBTQ

plus kids move from fear to fierce

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allyship and feel less alone and more

informed so you can protect what matters.

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Raise brave kids and

Spark collective change.

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I'm Heather Huster.

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Let's get started.

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Welcome to More Human, more Kind, and

to this very special Pride Month series

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five Lessons from Parenting With Pride.

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I'm Heather Hester and I

am so glad you are here.

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Within these five episodes, I'll be

sharing five transformative lessons

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I've learned through writing, parenting

with pride, and more importantly,

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through living it, loving, raising, and

advocating for my LGBTQ plus children.

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This is episode two.

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Whether you're a parent, an ally,

or someone who simply wants to

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better understand how to lead with

compassion and clarity in a divided

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world, this series is for you.

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So let's take a deep breath and let's

begin with the myth of getting it right.

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One of the biggest hurdles

I see, and I experienced it

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myself, especially among parents.

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The fear of messing up, of saying the

wrong thing, of not knowing the right

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language, of being called out, or worse

being called a bad parent or a bad ally.

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So instead of leaning in, we

freeze, we fumble over our words,

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or we don't say anything at all.

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But here's the truth, there is no.

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Perfect ally, no, perfect parent.

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No.

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Finish line.

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Allyship in parenting is a practice,

a commitment, a daily choice

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to show up even when actually,

especially when it's uncomfortable.

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Think about how we approach.

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Parenting.

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We read books, we ask questions.

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We learn from those with lived experience.

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We make mistakes.

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We apologize.

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We grow.

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We don't expect ourselves

or our kids to be perfect.

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So why do we expect

perfection in our allyship?

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I used to think that I

had to get it all right.

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From the beginning to learn it all

before I spoke up or before I advocated.

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But there came a moment when I realized

silence was no longer an option.

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I couldn't wait to speak until I

learned it all, until I had everything.

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I was bursting with life experience

and a deep, deep desire to help.

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So I started speaking

even when I stumbled.

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And I stumbled a lot, and I learned

that my kids and the people around

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me weren't looking for perfection.

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They were looking for.

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Presence.

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They were looking for someone who felt

the same way they did, someone who

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was navigating similar situations.

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They were looking for someone

to acknowledge and give

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voice to the messiness.

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When you're rooted in love, when

you're coming from a place of

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deep, deep love, your kids know it.

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They feel it.

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And they respond to it in

all kinds of magical ways.

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So what does progress look like?

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Well, it can look a lot of ways.

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It can look like learning a new

pronoun or phrase and using it,

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even if you trip over it at first.

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It looks like saying, I

don't know what that means.

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Can you help me understand?

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It looks like apologizing when you mess

up and then doing better the next time.

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It looks like letting go of ego of

the need to perform allyship instead

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of embodying it, speaking from

the heart instead of overthinking.

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Can you just stop for one moment and try

to think of a moment when you showed up

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imperfectly, but honestly, when you just

spoke what you were feeling, asked a

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question, a time when you just owned the

messiness, what did you learn from that?

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And did it build trust?

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These vulnerable moments are

how you initiate healing and

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repair and relationships.

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And here's the beautiful thing.

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When you model repair, you give your kids

and your community permission to grow.

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You show them that it's okay to evolve.

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That being wrong isn't

shameful, it's a step forward.

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That's allyship.

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That's leadership and that's parenting.

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Now, as a total aside here, I was

looking for a possible quote for today's

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episode, and I came across two of my

sister Corrine's favorite authors,

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Ann Lamont and Maya Angelou, and I

just couldn't pick one because they

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both carry such beauty and because it.

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I just felt such a connection to

both of them because of Corrine.

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So you get two today instead of one.

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The first is from Anne Lamont and she

said perfectionism is the voice of

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the oppressor, . Think about that.

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And the second is from Maya Angelou and

she said, do the best you can until you

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know better than when you know better.

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Do better.

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What's one way perfectionism has

held you back from fully showing up?

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Where could you allow yourself to

be good enough instead of flawless?

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And what is one small action you could

take this week right now to move forward

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even, and especially and perfectly.

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So now is the time for this new segment

that I'm just loving listener queries.

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And if you remember from last week,

this will be an ongoing series and

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ongoing part of every solo episode

where I will answer questions from you.

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So I am starting with the most

common questions I've heard over the

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years I've received over the years.

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But consider this your

official invitation to.

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Email me with your most burning questions

in keeping with the theme of pride.

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Here is this week's question.

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What do the letters mean?

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An L-G-B-T-Q, and does the order matter?

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You may have noticed the acronym or

initialism for the community has changed

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over the years from GLBT to L-G-B-T-Q

and even beyond even more letters, and

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that change is more than just cosmetic.

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It tells a story of inclusion, advocacy,

and growing awareness in the earlier

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days of activism, especially after the

Stonewall uprising, people often referred

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to the quote unquote gay community,

which largely centered cisgender gay men.

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As more voices pushed for visibility,

we began to hear gay and lesbian

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than GLB to include bisexual people.

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Even then, key members of the movement,

like transgender people were being

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left out or pushed to the margins.

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When GLBT became common, many trans

activists still felt like an afterthought.

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So the acronym was intentionally

reordered to LGBT, A small but

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powerful shift to better reflect the

contributions and central of trans

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people in the fight for equality.

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The Q came next.

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Standing for queer and questioning

queer is a reclaimed word for many

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people whose identities don't fit neatly

into boxes and questioning gives space

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for those who are still exploring.

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As our understanding continues

to grow, we now often see LGBTQIA

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plus expanding to include intersex,

asexual, aromantic, and more.

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So yes, the letters matter.

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They aren't just labels.

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They represent people who have fought

for recognition, rights and respect.

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The evolution of the acronym or

initialism reminds us that inclusion

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is a living ongoing practice.

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As you can probably tell, the

practice of allyship is one of my

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very favorite topics to share about.

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So here are the three

key takeaways from today.

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One, let go of the need to be perfect.

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You'll never know

everything, and that's okay.

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Two allyship is a practice.

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Keep showing up, especially

when it's uncomfortable.

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And three, model repair and growth.

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Your child learns how to be

human by watching you be human.

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Thank you so much for joining me

for today's reflection in this

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special Pride Month series five

Lessons from Parenting with Pride.

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If this episode resonated with you, I

invite you to share it with a friend and

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definitely subscribe so you can catch

new episodes every Tuesday and Friday.

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Pride month is a great time to

find out what kind of ally you are.

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So click on the link in the show notes

to find out your ally superpower.

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Until next time, keep showing

up, practicing allyship and

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remember, you are not alone.

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Happy pride.